About this piece

The Healer was the first piece I created in this series, and it was born from a hardened mixture of my built-in beliefs about what constituted good art plus my conviction that I had nothing worthy of saying that hadn’t already been said. My psychic landfill was overflowing with discarded beginnings of ideas.

I participated in an ayahausca ceremony, intent on freeing myself from this creative straitjacket. A woman offering a sound healing hit a high note. The tone produced a vision that was so stunning, so perfect, that I laughed. Her voice, a spear piercing through gray clouds, spilled rainbow blood through a monochrome sky. So much wisdom. An explosion of sheer, ridiculous visual beauty. I saw that beauty itself was a vehicle for knowledge and information.  

“Your job is to bring beauty into the world. That’s it.” I was floored by this message spoken directly to me, in my own voice. Just make something beautiful. For no reason at all. All my excuses fell away in the light of this clear, simple imperative.

For the fun of it, I mined the archives of my photography, cutting up and reassembling photos I had taken over previous years. I had no clue what I was doing, no direction and no end result in sight, but I was having fun restructuring memories from my life into a moment yet to be experienced. The shapes I was creating suggested mystical armor or clothing of some sort, and I realized it was calling for a human form. I’d been resistant to using people in my art, but with my newfound freedom to “make something beautiful” I gave myself permission to do whatever the art was asking for.

And then there she was. A magnificent cosmic queen revealed. The healer, the nurturer, the warrior. All this time, I’d convinced myself there was no value in this type of exploration. And yet here I was in the early morning hours, staring at what I’d spent all night creating, knowing it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever made, and knowing that the beauty carried the weight of meaning. There I was, a woman with nothing of value to offer, face to face with a goddess. A mirror.

I began to see myself in the entity I’d created. I felt beautiful. Strong. Worthy. Powerful. Wise. This art was a mirror that reflected the highest version of myself andempowered me to embody it. I had no idea what my own art would teach me over the next few years or where it would send me, but all I wanted to do in that moment was to make more of it.